I really like this song… it’s beautiful… I think you can never let go of your dreams… weather you are a child or grandmother… you can always have a dream…

I, I once had a dream.

Though it is ragged, from tear and being cast aside

It was a dream I treasured deep within myself.

Even at times, when I did not understand

the scornful smiles dripped behind my back,

I had to bear it. I could endure it. For that day.

They always speak as though concerned

That unlikely dreams are poisonous

That the world is an irrevocable reality, a book with a fixed ending

Yes, I have a dream. I believe in that dream. Heed me over time and see.

I will boldly face that wall called fate, which stands so coldly before me.

One day, rise above that wall and fly high into those skies.

This heavy world will not bind me down.

At that time, at the end of my life when we can smile together

Be with me.

Ahh… another year is over…  I am getting older… sigh… this is depressing!  

I thought to jot down some of my top memorable things of 2010

1) NYC trip – finally got to actually see New York!  It was a blast!  I can’t wait to go back

2) UIC reunion Caribbean Cruise – I love you guys!  I hope that we keep efforts to make this regular!

3) Discovery of arm warmers… I love them… so many cute ones!  I can’t stop at just one …or 8! yikes!

4) Moving out of the U-District!  Finally!  I finally feel like I am growing up!  Now I am living in a grown up neighborhood!  ^_~

5) Bootcamp!  It was hard… had a little fun…lost weight…sadly gained it back… but it was definitely a experience!  I can’t wait to go back next spring!

6) Investing in a nice bed…I can’t believe I waited this long… such nice sleep!

7) Packing lunch!  I never thought I could keep this up, but for most of 2010, I have been bring lunch to work… I love it!  i will never go back to eating expensive icky hospital cafeteria food!

8) New addition to the family!  Finally we have a little one added to our Lee-Kim family!  My cousin Sarah had her baby in August and its our family first!  I can’t wait for another one!  Oh so many cute baby things to buy!

9) gilt!  Oh you are so bad for my wallet!  www.gilt.com  shame on you for tempting me with so many designer goods!

10) Dessert Truck Tuesdays!  How I love thee Street Treats!  Make your own ice cream sandwiches?  Homemade cookies and organic ice cream?  Oh heaven! (BTW: recommended by a nutritionist!  honest! ^_^)

11) Green is cool!  In my hair that is!  I’ve never gotten so many compliments on my hair in my life!  Old and young, men and women… my ego was in cloud 9 in the past 2 months…

12) Crispy korean chicken wings… I made it!  Of course with help of my friends.  It made me wish for a deep fryer…  

13) I learned I can survive with just one TV.  Well, its because I have a laptop to download korean drama.  But I miss not having a TV in my bedroom…

14) Being in a sports team is fun!  I loved playing softball this summer.  I hope my work has another league next year!

15) Alaska conquered!  It was awesome to snowboard in Alaska this year.  Who knew I would do that???  Thanks Warren Miller for paying for part of my trip! 

How was your year??

Today, my boss, my residency director had a retirement party.  I was a little reluctant to go.  I wasn’t very close to her, but I did feel that she was a bit of a mentor, someone I aspired to be.  The party and her retirement really put a prospective in how important her decision to hire me, had change the course of my life.

It was 5 years ago.  I had finished my 2nd year of residency… did not get the job I interviewed for…  I was definitely bummed.  But I decided that it was a sign that I had to move on and perhaps finally move to California.  Interviewed at few places in California, but still no job.  From my advice from my aunt, I decided to stay in Seattle, until I had a final decision on a job or place to go.  So I worked full time at a retail pharmacy position floating around for about 6 months.

 I kept in touch with my former boss and asking her to let me know if she hears for any opening in Seattle.  I saw that there was an opening for a interesting position at Group Health.  For whatever reason, there was a mix up on my interview location and it had to be rescheduled.  In the midst of getting my interview rescheduled…I got an email from my former boss that there is an opening at a HIV clinic at the hospital and that I should interview.  I was a little apprehensive, I told her… “You know I did not know ANYTHING about HIV”.  I did a specialty residency in Internal Medicine, not Infectious Disease for heaven’s sake!  She said that the clinic needed more internal medicine touch and I could build it up to whatever I wanted.  I was really overwhelmed that she thought I could do that.  I didn’t think I would start building a clinical services already… I didn’t think I was ready.  ”you can do it” she said.  I don’t know if she really thought that or not, but I took the chance…

When I think back now, I don’t know if this is where I should be, but I am amazed to be doing the work I enjoy and challenge me.  I do feel proud of my accomplishments.  Could I have done more?  OH YES!  Tonight it made me think about where I would be if I never got that email from her.  Would I still in Seattle?  Probably not.  Would I be doing clinic pharmacy?  Perhaps.  It certainly made me see that I did get a great opportunity and she gave that to me… I am really thankful for that chance.  The chance she took on me.  I hope she never regrets it.  Well, I hope never to make her regret it.  I think this is giving me another burst of desire to better myself and improve my practice…

Thank You.  Truly.

Few weeks ago, I went to New York City for vacation.  It was finally time to check in with my little bro and also meet my new niece.  It was a pretty long trip for me, 10 days!  This is usually is the most common people ask me…”who is taking care of your cats?”  My answer?  On their own!  I mean they are like 7 years old now.  Geez.    I always leave them on their own with an automatic feeder and big bowl of water in the sink  I think my cats barely survived on their own this time though.

I  loved New York.  It was fun, ate lots of amazing food, and spent lots of quality time with my family and friends.  These are the top 15 things I loved on the trip.  Not in any particular order.

1)  Bonchon Chicken… oh that crispy, yummy goodness.  I ate like 2 chickens worth on this trip… 

2)  Lunch at Le Bernardin.  Amazing meal!  Got to do a kitchen tour and got a glimpse of Chef Ripert and  the owner of the restaurant.  The president of Michelin and president of Air France was also having at another table.  Super cool.  

3)  Brooklyn Bridge – It was as great as I imagined.  The walk across was a little scarier than I expected, but I loved it.  The view of the bridge and Manhattan was amazing.

4)  Grimaldi’s Pizza – thin and crispy.  Yummy.  Almost worth the wait.  Taking to to go and eating at the Brooklyn waterfront park was awesome.

5)  MoMA store – I think I can spend pretty much all day at that store.  I love it.

6)  Paris Baguette – Such variety of pastries, buns, and desserts.  I love that they have a “cake kit” that includes a knife, matches, interesting striking surface, and candles.  I love the smells.

7)  Central Park – so beautiful.  (HATED the W59th Ave/Central Park S entrance due to the icky smell of horse manure)

8)  Museums! I only got to go into MoMA and Metropolitan Museum of Arts, but it was enough to fulfilled my Museum love.

9)  High Line Park in the Meat packing district – amazing! I love that they converted an old train track into a continuous park.  I wish to see it in the day time at next visit

10)  Flushing – just because I am so comforted to be surrounded by so much Korean businesses and restaurants.  

11)  Empire State Building – only because my bro gets us in as VIP.  Up and down in 20 minutes?  Priceless.

12)  Carnegie Hall Concert – I saw orchestra concert at Carnegie Hall.  It was as great as I expected.  

13)  Momofuku Milk Bar – The crack pie and compost cookie. Oh yum.  I am definitely making another trip for that.

14)  Brooklyn Flea Market – So many vintage cute stuff!  I so wanted to buy a vintage typewriter!  Too bad I couldn’t bring it back with me to Seattle.  In addition, the food stands there was pretty yummy.

15)  Shake Shack – Pretty yummy hamburgers and fries.  Desserts were amazing.

But most important of all…I got to spend quality time with family and friends… love you guys!

This past weekend, I saw the movie “In Her Shoes”… For some reason, I love this movie.  I especially love the scene where the younger sister (Cameron Diaz) recites a poem.  I am so in love with this poem.  I’ve never been a huge poetry person… but this one is just…beautiful…

“i carry your heart with me”

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

–e.e. cummings

Today, I went into my doctor’s office to get a elective surgery.  The nurse taking care of me noted that I had a surgery few years ago for ovarian mass that was malignant.  She started saying how lucky I was that I didn’t need chemo or any additional intervention beside the mass removal.  She said that her sister died recently of ovarian cancer and she said that it was like “you won the lottery” and I was definitely on this earth for something good.  I’ve never really thought much about the event, except that it was a just really shocking… but never took the time to realize how lucky I was.  I know i shouldn’t play the “what if” game, but what if it was more serious case?  What if I had go through chemo? What if I was so sick, I couldn’t work?  Who would take of my mom?  Who would take care of my cats? (my mom totally hates my cats)  What if I could never get pregnant and have kids?  All of sudden… all these what ifs started rushing in my thoughts.  I am really thankful for my encounter with the nurse today.  It made me snap out my recent funk… I mean I really did win the lottery… A lifetime full of joy… laughter…hugs…kisses…memories…love…just the opportunity to LIVE.  What a great way to ease in way into another birthday.  

What more do you need in life?  Maybe trying to make my mom admit that my cats are at least cute.  Sigh… that might take a lot more effort.

I am totally obsessed with this song right now…

English translation written on the Youtube page…

“Nothing Better” - 정엽 (Jung Yup)

내게 언젠가 왔던 너의 얼굴을 기억해
멈춰있던 내 맘을 밉게도 고장 난 내 가슴을
너의 환한 미소가 쉽게도 연거야

그래 그렇게 내가 너의 사람이 된 거야
못났던 내 추억들이 이젠 기억조차 안 나
나를 꼭 잡은 손이 봄처럼 따뜻해서
이제 꿈처럼 내 맘은 그대 곁에 가만히 멈춰서요
한 순간도 깨지 않는 끝없는 꿈을 꿔요

이제 숨처럼 내 곁에 항상 쉬며 그렇게 있어주면
Nothing better, nothing better than you

이제 꿈처럼 내 맘은 그대 품에 가만히 안겨있죠
한 순간도 깨지 않는 끝없는 꿈을 꾸죠

이제 숨처럼 내 곁에 항상 쉬며 그렇게 있어주면
Nothing better, nothing better than you

I was on the bus today and saw a woman wearing something I swear should be left at home.  She was wearing cozy slipper type shoes that has the same textures as those bedroom slippers…  It was baby pink and really pluffy.  (something similar)

I couldn’t take my eyes off of it.  I wanted to take a picture of it, but my phone camera makes a “click” noise when I take a picture, so I didn’t want to take the chance.  I mean she was wearing her pants right up under her bra, it was so high!  I wonder if I have worn something I probably should not have…  I do have a lot of regrets in my wardrobe in my life… Now I wonder if anyone had the same thoughts I had today about that woman directed towards me… I hope not.  Anyone else have embarrassing outfit you wore in public?

I saw a blog recently that talked about what celebrity could be your friend… I thought that would be totally fun!  What celebrity would I totally get along with??? I thought a lot about it… maybe too much…   I would love to be friends with Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock.  I think those women always look like they are enjoying life.  Plus I love people who laugh wholeheartedly.  I think Jon Stewart is so funny, so I think it would be totally cool to be in his company… I also love love love Neal Patrick Harris… he is hilarious on his show “How I Met Your Mother”.  

What celebrity would you want to be your friend????  I want to know!

Sadly, out softball league ended our season with a whimper. Our record was 0-7 and we lost in the first round of playoffs.  We actually thought it was hilarious that we were scheduled in the playoffs since our we haven’t won a single game whole season… but we had inkling of hope that maybe…MAYBE we will win it!  But a las… we ended the season as it should… but it was fun!  I only got to play few games, but it was cool to be in a team.  I hope we get to play again next season!